By the time most of you read this, my son Gideon will have marched across the gymnasium floor and received his high school diploma.
I have brainstormed some sage advice for Gideon’s next phase and hope that his fellow grads nationwide can benefit.
I’ll allow someone else to lecture 2021 graduates about following your dream, keeping a journal, subscribing to the local newspaper, formulating a career backup plan, paying it forward, starting retirement planning early, yada yada yada. I prefer to share tips you’re unlikely to hear anywhere else.
First, be patient with your elders when they emit trite expressions such as “Finishing high school already? Where does the time go?” Refrain from exclaiming, “When the baby takes its first step, you ask, ‘Where does the time go?’ When you unbox the Christmas decorations, you ask, ‘Where does the time go?’ Maybe if your generation wasn’t always asking where the time goes, we’d have a colony on Mars with a cure for the common cold by now! Buy a calendar!”
Before you move too far away, make a point of thanking favorite teachers who inspired you. Don’t procrastinate until you run across them in a retirement home. (“Mr. Johnson, you were an amazing Drivers Ed instructor. Of course, that was back when you could still see above the stick shift…”)
Don’t be one of those “School’s out…forever!” misanthropes who fall off the face of the earth. Stay in touch so you’ll know about class reunions. If you feel awkward about reunions, assemble the new IKEA Reunion Table Deluxe. It has built-in popular kids!
Be true to your school. Keep the STANDARDIZED TESTING momentum going. Don’t submit to a field sobriety test until you see some Number Two pencils!
©2021 Danny Tyree. Danny’s weekly column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate.