According to the National Retail Federation (motto: “Proudly middlemansplaining since 1911”), Americans set a Halloween spending record of $12.2 billion in 2023.
(And that didn’t even include earplugs for muffling the seasonal onslaught of “spooktacular,” “boo-tiful,” “to die for” and other undead “dad jokes” shambling in from Father’s Day.)
But, citing research from Lending Tree, “Newsweek” magazine says 59 percent of Halloween spenders plan to scale back purchases this year because of tighter budgets.
Inflation-battered neighbors are being less competitive about outdoor decorations. Not only can fancy-schmancy store-bought cobwebs be replaced with cobwebs from the average voter’s copy of the U.S. Constitution, but other macabre scenes can be simplified as well. (“You say ‘red Solo cup and coffee stirrers.’ I say ‘witch’s cauldron 2024.’ Tomato, to-mah-to.”)
Savvy shoppers are accepting ultra-generic substitutes for brand-name candy bars. Who needs Snickers or Kit Kat when you can score a deal on Stifled Chortle and Feral Kit Kat? Who needs Almond Joy when you can purchase Almond Ennui in a festive alleyway? And Payday bars are easily replaced with Dude, We’re Having A Cash Flow Problem This Week bars.
It’s not just downgrading the brands. Portion control is another option for cutting costs. Consumers searching for something even less fun than a “fun-size” candy bar have discovered a Zen approach. Meet “contentment-size” candy bars. (“What is the sound of one hand clapping over the mouth of a disgruntled trick-or-treater who didn’t have the foresight to bring his magnifying glass?”)
People living paycheck to paycheck have decided that it’s batty to fork over their hard-earned money for the tickets and transportation required for tours of haunted houses. Look for tours of haunted porta-potties to be popular in coming years. (“Your skepticism is duly noted, but it certainly smelled like something died in there.”)
BYOB is so yesterday. Hosts of themed Halloween parties now advise, “bring your own zombie apocalypse.”
